I’m alive, if you can call it that.

Posted: October 4th, 2004 | Author: admin | Filed under: LJ | 6 Comments »

So after a 3 month hiatus I decided that Livejournal might not be dead to me.

A lot has happened since most of you who know me saw me last. Not so much events that have happened, just … changes.

I’m in the middle of a radical change. When it’ll stop, and what it even is I have yet to understand.

Life has become one big trip.

And I know I’m not alone, however often it seems like it.

As far as my “normal” definition of life: I have none. I have no “friends.” I cut ties with most friends awhile ago. It wasn’t intentional, rather the opposite, once I started changing, nobody could handle it. I saw all my superficial friendships (most of them) fall away. It was nice, though, now I know who my true friends are.

Why am I different? Why am I changing? Because all my life I haven’t been satisfied with the answers people gave me. I knew there was more to life than to work half of it, then die in misery.

Then came the drugs.

I knew that people could go crazy taking drugs, so I did what I always do when I put chemicals in my body, I researched heavily. And in my research, I started to get hints that there was something more to this reality than what we can see, and drugs can change your perspective so much, it can give you glimpses of “reality.”

After the DXM, I knew things were gonna be different. After the Extasy, I toured San Francisco with the eyes of a newborn. On Mushrooms, I saw our bodies for what they really are: sacks of meat. On Nitrous, I saw the basic patterns ingrained in life.

Every drug I have done, I gain a small step into figuring things out. Now, when I smoke a bowl, I can gain access to every previous state of mind I have been in on every previous drug.

And then came the purifications.

Since I’ve had to take care of myself, I’ve been very into keeping myself healthy (to the point of it being a hobby). After a while of healthy living, I started to realise that how healthy you are is the biggest influence of your state of mind. Now this is a very important connection that most people acknowledge, but completly fail to grasp. What you eat, affects your mind. Don’t get why that’s big? Think about the average American diet. (hint, heavy metals, trans-fatty acids, preservitives, etc etc etc.) It’s no secret that most people eat really really unhealthy. Which means that most peoples minds are … REALLY REALLY unhealthy.

So I decided that in order to keep a healthy mind, and figure things out, I need to eat healthy. Problem is, after years of semi-healthy diet, my body was full of crap. And I’m a really healthy person. It’s took at least a year of body purifications to get where I’m at today, and I don’t think I’m close to being done.

I have always known I’m on this earth for a reason. I’ve never known why, but lately I think it’s to heal people, somehow. I know it’s to help people, in some way.

I’ve decided I’m going to post whatever my insctinct tells me to post on Livejournal, hoping that somewhere, somehow, I’ll make someone go “wow, I never saw it that way.” Which means real learning is going on, folks.

So here I am, working at an ice cream shop in Rohnert Park, figuring out the meaning of life.

Where’s this crazy journey going to take me?
Where’s it going to end?

I know, but I wouldn’t want to ruin the suprise for you!

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