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My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Ass Machine Juice.
What’s yours?
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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT ASSHOLE?!?!?!!!

So the funniest thing ever happened to me just now.

I was at Vons, getting food for dinner because lately I have been cooking for my family. I ran into an old family friend and we were chatting it up in the checkout line.

As we were talking, 2 girls caught my eye. They caught my eye because, out of the corner of my eye, they looked pretty, but then I looked at them, and I wanted to vomit. They were the grossest of the gross, they had BAD BAD tans and bellies hanging out, natty hair. Almost like they were lake rats. I was made a gagging sound, and the old family friend looked at them and chuckled. She’s cool. But I thought nothing of it, We are in X, right?

Anyways, i’m paying for my food and I hear over the PA, “Attention customers, there is a red Mustang with steam or smoke coming out of the hood.” That caught my attention, because I thought it was a new Mustang, and then I could have made fun of them.

I walked outside, and saw everyone stareing at this OLD piece of shit, 80′s mustang. I laughed it off thinking it was just a broken radiatior hose or something like that. But then I smelled rubber burining. And those lake rats were screaming and running around the parking lot yelling “FUCKING SHIT MY CAR IS ON FIRE!!!! SOMEBODY FUCKING CALL 911!!!!” In the most white trash voice I have ever laid my ears upon.

Then I noticed the flames coming out from underneath the car. And pieces of flaming engine falling down! And then, I snapped out of making fun of the white trash and realised that their car was right next to mine!!!

2 old men ran up with fire extinguishers and sorta put out the flames, with me just sitting there snickering under my breath, standing in the smoke, not caring because it is just toooo fucking funny. Then one old man says to me “Is that your car? You better move it.” I just replied with a half-assed “yeah..” Also, I have a fire extinguisher in my car, a huge one, but I didn’t want to waste it on that shitty car. That thing cost $30! I could save $30 and get that hunk of tin off the road! It’s a win-win situation!

So I’m loading the groceries into my truck, snickering, thinking that nobody is paying attention to the guy standing next to a burning car, not seeming to care, when the FATASS BITCH says to me, while crying “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ASSHOLE!?!?!” I didn’t even bother to respond, I just laughed to myself and drove off, as she’s screaming at me. I think that old man was mad at me for not helping, but I don’t give a shit, they were white trash.

And I drove the whole way home, laughing my ass off.

EDIT: I was going to add a random picture of some white trashie, but I got scared and quit.

Re:

New rule: If you are a parent, and you tell your daughter she is overweight, or even give those little hints (“you’re gonna have ANOTHER piece of cake?”) and your daughter is not unhealthily overweight, you don’t deserve to be a parent.

Extra points for being a fatass yourself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Ok, a new first for me. I didn’t remember my birthday until my mom reminded me.

hahaha!

Happy Birthday, Me.

Also, I found out the sex of the baby. It’s a boy. I was hoping for a girl, but a boy is good too.

Hell Yeah!

I felt my new brother/sister kick for the first time today! It was possibly the coolest thing ever. It somehow makes it more real, like there really is a kid in there.

And I went to my first day of real work today. I counted and took statistics of nearly 60,000 vines. Blah. But I had a good conversation with some mexicans, and they gave me some of their rice drink thing. It wasn’t good, but I pretended that it was. They outnumbered me out there, what else am I gonna do.

Sorry for the boring short post but i’m wiped out.

FAWK

I’m 19.52663% Geek.

How Geek are you?

56

So I went to my first day of work today. It was pretty short and boring. All I did was fill out paperwork and watch a sexual harassment video.

It’s gonna be a badass job. I get a work truck, which means i’ll be driving everywhere from Santa Ynez to Salinas, every day.

It’s really hot here, the transition from Northern CA to Southern CA is going to take a while.
I’ve been sick since I got back, and that doesn’t help either.

I went to SLO today to get my cell phone activated from Cingular. My buddy Kenny is gonna hook me up. It seems though that you need either credit or a $500 deposit to get a cell phone plan.

Shit.

In another couple of days I think i’ll just get it activated under my parents name and just pay them. There’s no other way to do it.

I can’t wait to go to the Lake. It’s gonna be soo much fun.

Yeah, that’s my summer so far. I’m kinda bored actually. I think that’ll change after a few 7AM-5PM workdays.

Try this if you are bored and not squemish. Search in Google Image Search for “moustache.” With SafeSearch off. Look at the first image.
Or just click here (warning, adult content), where i’ve done it for you.